


Forever

by Snow_Falls



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ash Lynx Lives, Feelings, M/M, Soft Boys, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 07:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18205586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Falls/pseuds/Snow_Falls
Summary: 'They looked at each other. It felt like a dream. Ash wouldn’t be surprised if he had actually died and this was his heaven. Well, he would be surprised that he had made it into heaven in the first place, but his paradise would certainly include the young man who sat in front of him, gazing at Ash like he truly saw him.'Or, a new way to rewrite that canon ending.





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I changed the ending for this last minute. It was really fucking sad. But, I couldn't do that. I couldn't pull the trigger. Instead, we have this. 
> 
> Once again, technicalities mean nothing to me. It's the feelings. The Feelings.

And the stench of the sea and the absence of green  
Are the death of all things that are seen and unseen  
Not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do  
Wasteland, baby  
I'm in love, I'm in love with you

- _Wasteland, Baby!_ , Hozier

 

Ash felt the sharp pain in his shoulder, and the tremble of his limbs. There was so much adrenaline running through him, he had to move fast if he wanted to make it out of the building before his strength gave out.

“Alright, let’s – Eiji?” Running toward them was indeed Eiji, Cain hot on his heels. “What the _fuck_ – “

“Ash!” Eiji threw himself into Ash’s surprised arms; everyone watched in surprise and amusement as Ash’s expression softened, though he was clearly still upset.

Ash looked up at Cain and shot him an accusing glance as he held Eiji tight.

“Hey don’t look at me like that, man. You ever tried talking that kid outta somethin’? He’s more stubborn than you.”

“You should have just grabbed him instead of letting him come up here, and you – “ Ash pulled back, gentle despite his obvious anger. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I could not leave you!” Eiji was glaring too. “After everything, do you not know me?”

That was true. At this point, not taking the fact that Eiji was going to throw himself into danger with reckless abandon was basically on Ash.

“While this is touching, and I hate to break up such a tender moment,” Blanca began, with an amused smile. “Shall we take our leave?”

No one replied to that, they simply started moving toward the elevator. At one point he had taken Eiji’s hand, or Eiji had done his, he couldn’t quite remember. The building shook as they hurried over to the elevator. Blanca went down first, he could catch any possible obstacles and find the easiest way to avoid them best. Sing went next; the building shook again, something exploded on one of the floors below. Cain grabbed one of the wires and hauled himself down quickly.

“Think you’ll be alright?” Ash asked Eiji as they stepped over to the elevator shaft together.

“Of course. You always forget I was an athlete.”

They smiled at each other. That moment seemed to stretch out endlessly. It was maybe a handful of seconds, but it was pivotal. The relief Ash felt at knowing this was all finally over, and the gladness that welled in him knowing he was not alone, and that other emotion that moved his heart when Eiji smiled at him, it was there one second and suddenly replaced with sheer panic as the building shook again, this time making them both stagger. Ash was aware of the cries of surprise that came from the elevator shaft, Sing and Cain, but it was something he was aware of in his periphery, his immediate and undivided attention was on the beam that was falling toward Eiji.

Ash didn’t think at all, he just moved. Even if there were time to think, it wouldn’t have changed anything, there was nothing more important than moving faster than he could ever remember doing in his life, or with so much purpose as he did in that moment. He saw Eiji’s look of surprise, he didn’t even have time for fear before Ash slammed into him, his momentum throwing them both back. The beam glanced off him, Ash’s shoulder burned with a terrible pain.

Dimly he heard the voices of his friends coming from a distance, as the building continued to shake, rumbling, almost drowning them out. What he heard clearly was Eiji’s panicked voice.

“Ash, Ash!”

Ash opened his eyes as Eiji gently turned him; the movement made his shoulder throb. There were tears in Eiji’s eyes, Ash’s head rested on his lap, so that when the tears fell they landed on Ash’s own cheeks.

“Dummy.” Eiji said, his voice part relief, part annoyance, as he brushed his own tears off Ash with careful fingers. “Come on, we have to go.”

Ash glanced over at the elevator shaft, debris had fallen over it, there was a small enough space though for someone of Eiji’s slim build to fit through, which was something at least. “Yeah, help me up.”

Eiji did. When Ash put out his good arm, which in that moment was the arm Foxx had stabbed him on, Eiji didn’t seem to notice, and hauled him up. Ash ached all over; the pain in his shoulder was making his breath come in short. He did his best to walk over to the shaft under his own power; he just needed to keep it together a little longer.

They both peered in, the figures of Sing, Blanca, and Cain were small now, but Cain looked up, and saw them. They shouted for them to hurry down.

“Keep going! We’ll be down soon!” Ash called, and then turned to Eiji. “Okay,” Ash said, after he took a second to assess the damage. “Grab the wire, it looks stable enough still, then make your way down as fast as you can. Make sure you have a good grip with your thighs, try not to look down, and no matter what, just keep going, got it?”

Eiji nodded, he put his hand out to hoist himself up and over, and the building shook again. It staggered them once more, Eiji knocked his shoulder against Ash’s own, the one that felt like it was being consumed by fire. In the time that was left, Ash would bitterly regret not being able to control his reaction, he made a sharp sound of pain, and clutched his shoulder. He let go almost an instant later, but Eiji had seen.

Ash saw the wheels turn in his head. He turned away from the elevator shaft completely and looked at Ash with an expression of dawning horror.

“No,” Eiji whispered. “Ash you – your shoulder – “ Ash grit his teeth.

“I’m fine,” Ash said. _Go, go, go!_

Eiji shook his head, his expression fierce. “You go first.”

“There’s no time to argue! Do what I say!” Ash shouted. His desperation raising, this couldn’t be happening. Why couldn’t he swallow down his pain when he needed to the most? He cursed himself. “Eiji go! Hurry up!”

“No.” Eiji said, his eyes blazing, even as tears welled in them once more. Ash felt his heart squeeze, more painful than the agony of his dislocated shoulder.

“I’m telling you to _go_!”

“I said _no_!”

“GO!.”

“NO!” Eiji grabbed his arm, the good one; his gaze didn’t drop from Ash’s own. “Not without you!”

There was no time for this. There was no time at all. Another distant explosion. The voices of their friends were audible to Ash only because he had such a keen sense of hearing; he doubted Eiji could hear them at all. He had the mad urge to pick Eiji up and force him down the shaft, it made no sense, and would never work. Eiji had to grab on, and he clearly wouldn’t.

“Get out of here.” Ash bit out. “I can’t go, but you can, why the fuck did I save you if you’re just going to stay?”

“No.” Eiji said again. He was shaking, tears falling down his cheeks and dampening his shirt.

Ash wanted to grab his hair in frustration. He wanted to scream, he wanted to curse, he thought frantically for something, anything that would force Eiji to go, His last desperate gambit. “Your family Eiji, you have to go back to them. Just go, please, just go.”

Eiji shook his head.

“You _idiot_!” Ash yelled, he shook him with his one good arm. Eiji didn’t try to stop him; he kept his clear brown eyes on Ash’s face. Ash swore, anger and frustration mixing with his panic, he could feel the seconds slip by, falling through his fingers like water, like sand in an hour glass, marking the end of their time. He dropped his forehead to Eiji’s, and pleaded, softly now. “Please, please, Eiji, go. You have to go, you have to, please, not you. Please.” His voice broke.

Eiji’s hands cupped Ash’s face, he looked directly into Ash’s eyes, and said, with a voice thick with tears. “Your arm is my fault, I will not leave you.”

Ash was crying now too, he felt his legs give out. Eiji caught him, and slowly lowered them both down so they sat leaning on one of the support columns of the elevator shaft. The building shook, harder now, Ash felt the heat of the fire slowly climbing up the building, he smelled the acrid smoke.

“I’m sorry,” Ash whispered. “I’m _so sorry_.” Feeling how inadequate those words were. There wasn’t an apology strong enough for putting Eiji in this position; there weren’t any words that could express the depth of his remorse.

Ash spared a fleeting thought for their friends; he hoped they had made it out.

Ash’s less painful shoulder was pressed against Eiji’s. His face was close when Ash turned his head.

“I’m the one who is sorry,” he gestured to Ash’s arm. “But, this is my choice.” Eiji said, the tear stains on his face doing nothing to lessen his beauty, his dark eyelashes clumped together with moisture, framing his dark eyes.

“It’s my fault.” Ash said, feeling those words from the depth of his being. Wishing, wishing more than anything he could somehow change things. That there would be something to save them, save Eiji; a deus ex machina at the eleventh hour. “I should have made you leave ages ago. I should never have asked you to stay, I should never have even _looked_ at you – “

“Hey,” said Eiji sharply, cutting him off. “I told you, my choice. Everything I did, all the time we spent together, my choice. I do not take it back.” The building shook again, the heat felt more intense, and the ominous sound of metal creaking rang loudly around them.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Ash burst out, looking away from Eiji’s lovely eyes. “You of all people, this isn’t where you’re supposed to die, not like this, not with _me_ – “ Ash made a sound of frustration. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was still thinking frantically about something that might save Eiji. There had to be a way, something, something.

Eiji took his hand. “Ash, look at me.” He did, as the heat from the coming fire grew more intense, the smoke was starting to pour into their level. “I do not regret anything. I could never regret you.”

Ash wanted to wipe the tears from Eiji’s eyes that fell anew. He couldn’t move his free arm. He didn’t deserve to have someone like Eiji die for him, choose to die for him, with him. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right.

“Ash,” Eiji said again, softly, his voice barely audible. He looked at Ash through dark lashes, and then kissed him.

It was bittersweet. The taste of Eiji mixed with the salt of their tears. Eiji’s lips trembled. The kiss was soft and brief and filled Ash with a tumult of emotions, with a longing heightened by bitter regret.

Eiji pulled away, moving back a fraction to look at him. He said something in Japanese that Ash didn’t understand; it made his heart ache. So maybe he did know after all. Would it be better or worse if Ash said it too, now, at the end of everything?

He leaned his forehead against Eiji’s. “You told me our souls are reborn.” Ash said, his tears mingling with Eiji’s. “So, let’s meet again in a better life.”

Eiji made a sound that could have been a sob, or laugh, or maybe both. “Yes. I will look for you, Ash.”

“I’ll be waiting, Eiji.”

*

Ash came awake slowly. 

First he was aware of a steady beeping noise, then a dull ache that seemed to live in every part of his body. His eyelids were heavy, it took effort to open them, and when he did his eyes stung from the sudden light.

He realized there was someone in the room a second before he saw him. It was Eiji, half lying on Ash’s bed, half sitting in a chair, clearly asleep.

All at once Ash remembered everything that had happened. He felt a million different things at once, but the first and foremost was relief, followed closely by gratitude. Eiji was here, Ash watched the steady raise and fall of his back, and he was alive. _Thank you, thank you, thank you._ Ash didn’t know who or what his thanks were directed at, but he would always be grateful.

Eiji made a small sound and began to stir. He lifted his head and blinked sleepily. His eyes widened when he saw Ash awake. “Ash!” He sat up and nearly fell out of his chair. Ash laughed, it hurt a little.

“Hey.” Ash said, his mouth dry.

“Here,” Eiji said, hastily grabbing a cup by Ash’s bed and bringing the straw to his mouth. It was a bit awkward, but they managed to do it without spilling any of the water on Ash. “Don’t get up.” Eiji said, his hands fluttering over Ash. Ash ignored that and pushed himself up. His head spun a little, and his arms shook, but he managed it. He heard Eiji grumble as he carefully piled pillowed behind Ash’s back. “How do you feel?”

“Like I should probably be dead. What happened? How did we get out?”

Eiji moved to sit on the edge of his bed; he took Ash’s hand, gently running his thumb over the back of it as he spoke. “Blanca. There was another helicopter that they had grounded, he managed to fix it and flew it up to rescue us. Him and Cain. I don’t remember it, but they probably almost died too, the last thing I remember - things were bad.” Eiji explained waking up the day before, treated for smoke inhalation, finding out that Ash was still unconscious but okay.

“The police are here.” Eiji told him, and then rushed on. “But, we have a plan.”

Ash, who was sipping more water, smiled at him as he set the cup down. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes.” Eiji said proudly. “Blanca actually helped us with it.” Eiji frowned. “I don’t know what to think of him.”

Ash who understood what he meant perfectly, only nodded. “What’s the plan?”

Eiji explained, it involved slipping out from the hospital again, and getting a new identity, which, apparently, Sing, would help him with. “He was here a little while ago.” Eiji said. “He wanted to see you, but he doesn’t want the police asking him questions either.”

“So, I do everything you guys said and I get away, then what?” Ash asked, trying for nonchalance but not quite managing it as he looked down at their joined hands.

Eiji looked down too, suddenly shy. But, when he looked at Ash again, his gaze was determined; it reminded Ash of the way he had looked at him when the building had been coming down around them.

“Come with me, to Japan.”

There was a slight rise at the end of the statement so it could have been a question, though Ash knew he had meant to say it more firmly. He could tell from the look on Eiji’s face.

“You really want me to go with you, even after everything?”

“Especially after everything.”

They looked at each other. It felt like a dream. Ash wouldn’t be surprised if he had actually died and this was his heaven. Well, he would be surprised that he had made it into heaven in the first place, but his paradise would certainly include the young man who sat in front of him, gazing at Ash like he truly saw him.

Ash licked his chapped lips. Just in case it had been a fever dream, he had to ask, he had to know.

“Before, when – when we were in that building, did you – “ he pushed the words out, passed his own sudden shyness, “kiss me?”

He watched as colour came all at once into the Eiji’s face. Ash felt pretty hot himself.

He could tell that it cost him something, but Eiji didn’t look away, he nodded.

The relief that hit him shouldn’t have surprised Ash, but he wasn’t ready for the force of it. He was so glad that hadn’t been a dream. He said then what he didn’t say before, what he should have said. He watched Eiji’s expression change, saw the tears come into his eyes even as Ash’s own vision blurred. He heard Eiji repeat the same sentiment in Japanese, that same phrase he had said to Ash when they thought they were about to die.

Then, they both laughed, breathy and exhilarated, the tension draining out of them instantly. Eiji pressed his forehead to Ash’s. Ash closed his eyes.

“I can’t believe you stayed with me, you idiot.” Ash grumbled, with a pale shadow of his old anger. It was hard to stay mad at Eiji when he was close, so warm, and soft, when Ash’s heart felt the way it did in that moment.

Eiji pressed his lips softly to Ash’s. This time it was nothing but sweetness.

“I told you,” he said, quietly, his words whispered against Ash’s mouth. “Forever.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want them to be happy, damn. I can't leave the canon ending alone. I want to write all the fluffy AUs, but also I want to scrub out the "real" ending. I reject it. Do you hear me, Yoshida? I R E J E C T it. (But, uh, thanks for making these characters in the first place, etc.) 
> 
> Now that I've said that, the first draft had them, um, actually, uh, die. Okay, but LISTEN. Then they were reincarnated and met again, and it was cute, and I opened up ao3, I was ready to post it, andddddd then I didn't. Like, I wrote it, I still have it, but I don't want that to be out in the world. I will die on the hill that Ash could have found happiness in life. He didn't need to die to be at peace. Everything, and I mean everything, I write will circle back to this. My thesis in fic. 
> 
> Anyway, I have a lot of feelings~ Find me on [tumblr](nightofviolet.tumblr.com) for more of my nonsense!


End file.
